Hey man, I appreciate you doing this. It’s cool to open this up to us with similar experiences and questions. I was wondering if at a certain point in getting clean, something switched within you from the urge for wanting to do drugs towards the urge not to die. In other words, you realized the mortality of it, coupled with an addictive mindset, and faced the reality of either stopping or you’d die this way. I realize there is a duality, and these 2 things can both be true and complement each other, but was there a point where the realistic outcome of prison or death just became overwhelmingly apparent?
I got bit by the vicodin bug when I was 13, and by 14 was on oxy and opana, then heroin from 16 to 24. Now at 30, and over 6 years clean, I am strong in my sobriety but have to admit it took me seeing MANY close friends die (and a few in prison) to be like “oh yeah that’s what I have to look forward to.” It was more so once friends started dying and I had to talk with their parents, not to mention the amount of friends still high at the funerals. That shit is wild. Anyway… What clicked for you to be like, “it’s addiction OR life”? (Thankfully, you chose life).
Also, a bonus question… Does your mind ever wander to the weird times/exceptions where you could hypothetically justify using drugs? Just wondering. I often find myself thinking, “maybe when I’m 80, who cares?” or “eh, before the world explodes…” But ultimately, on a day-to-day basis, I just can’t stand to put family and friends (who are still with us) through that anymore. I do it for those who have passed.
Thanks, Josh. I’m a huge fan. I’ve seen you 30ish times and met you in person a few times. The 2012 tour sticks out most. It was your first tour back after your absence. We smoked some cigs, talked about the setlist, live YouTube videos, and your backing vocals being sick. We also talked about how Sick Kids had helped me and a bit about suboxone. I know you meet dozens of people each day, so not saying this for you to remember me, but saying this for you to know we see you and appreciate you.
Peace, love and rock ‘n roll.