One Month into the Fight

First and foremost, have to say thank you. Creating a platform for addiction and recovery is AMAZING!

I am currently new in my sobriety, but I was an opioid addict for 10 years. Growing up my childhood was normal. For the most part I had a good childhood. My mother was an alcoholic but by the time she had me and my sister, she had been in recovery for 10 years. I admired her for this, but addiction isn’t just limited to one thing. After a car accident in 1997 she was diagnosed with fibromyalgia which, at the time, wasn’t a very common or heard of disease. She was prescribed pain pills and she seemed fine for many years. As time went on, I noticed that my mother wasn’t herself. She was lost in this disease of addiction. She couldn’t function or do things that she normally did. She did end up checking into treatment and was able to get sober and maintain sobriety for quite a few years. However, sadly, she fell back into the depths of addiction once again.

In my mid 20’s I had some medical issues and a couple car accidents that ended up landing me with a prescription for pain meds. I was so nervous, but the pain at the time was unbearable, I thought knowing what happened with my mom, I could see the signs of addiction and I would know when to stop. I really was naïve, and unprepared to deal with how fast it happens. When I started out, I thought I had a handle on my usage, until my doctors started to lower my amounts and eventually cutting me off. I ended up like most, having to buy from people I knew and people I didn’t know… anyone really.

I used to numb myself. I used because the pills gave me energy. Eventually, in my 30’s, my mom and I became intertwined with our addictions, with each acting as the other’s enabler. My mom sheltered me in a sense to where I didn’t take the next step and go into heroine or other things, but I knew I wasn’t far from it. I’ve been in abusive relationships. I’ve made choices in my addiction that we’re not me or who I was. My mom just recently passed in April of this year. Her passing was not directly related to her addiction, but I know my mom gave up because she was tired from a lot of things, including her addiction. I spiraled badly. I went through the money she left me for my security… my future. All gone in months.

I looked at myself one day and realized I was going to end up like my mom. I know she never wanted that, and as scared as I was, I didn’t either. I promised her the last time we talked she would watch me get sober… even from Heaven. On 8/11 I got a call that a treatment bed was available, and as scared as I was, I knew it was time. It was time to break free from this disease. To break the cycle of family addiction. Almost a month sober tomorrow, and I’m so amazed and proud of myself. It’s not easy. It’s literally one day at a time but as each day passes, I remind myself I’m making it through.

Thank you, Josh for helping give us a voice!