Other Stories of Addiction/Recovery

Mom Searching for Crack

I had a boyfriend get me into drugs… cocaine crack and then whatever we could get. To be honest, I don’t remember a lot. There are a few things here and there that I am not proud of. Looking back, I’m lucky to be alive.

As a woman walking into certain situations alone… I’m shocked to be alive. One thing that got me through was one night I had been smoking all night with my boyfriend, and it was 8am and I’m doing the “search” where anything white on the floor could possibly be crack. (OMG… just typing this out is triggering.) The next thing I knew, my young children walked in, asking me what I was doing and said that I needed to take them to school. That was my wake up call.

Now, years later, when I’m sitting here thinking about all my mistakes, I am wondering how much that affected them. I’m more aware of all the danger I put myself in and I hope that they don’t follow that path. I beat myself up every day for what I put them through. How did they perceive me as their mother? I worry and worry and worry. It’s never ending.

3 thoughts on “Mom Searching for Crack”

  1. I have a friend who is always telling me, that your first thought is what you’ve been conditioned to think, and your second thought is who you actually are. On a larger scale, that applies here. Who you were when your kids walked in that morning was someone who had been conditioned into being an addict. The you are today, who made the choice to get clean, that is who you really are. Don’t beat yourself up for something that you fixed as soon as you were able. I’m so happy that you escaped every questionable situation you ended up in. And I’m sure your kids are, too.

  2. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing this story. It sounds like being able to reflect on this wake-up call, while difficult for you, is still motivational as you continue to want to be a good parent for your children. Keep them in your heart and know you are not alone in your mistakes, but you have moved forward and should be proud of making a change after the wake-up call.

  3. Thank you for sharing your story. It is hard but the tenants hold true in a lot of aspects and one of those is you have to admit there is a problem in order for it to change. Or as Josh puts it “You Gotta Come Clean to Get Clean”. This is one step in that journey and you’ve taken it. I celebrate your willingness to share. I thank you for opening up about your struggles. It shows the world how tough it really is. Keep up the fight friend. Every day is a new day and a new opportunity.

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