Other Stories of Addiction/Recovery

Keeping up the Fight for the Daughter

I grew up with a lot of abuse and trauma, also growing in poverty. My mom struggled with mental health, and she was very abusive in many different ways. I started pretty young in my addiction starting with weed and alcohol around age 12 and found pills around 13. I found myself in rehab against my wishes at age 14. I also was placed in foster care around this time. As my life progressed I delt with more trauma and abuse from my mom. I found myself spending more time in treatment than out of it. But every time I got out, I would seek out any type of way to be numb.

I left Minnesota around 18 after leaving a abusive relationship and moved to Kansas City. I thought getting away from the area would help me get clean, but I found even harder drugs, and found myself homeless because I got kicked out for the drugs I was doing. I delt with substance abuse and more abuse once I ended up homeless. I battled with overdoses and suicidal tendencies. I didn’t want to feel, and if I couldn’t use, I just wanted to end it all. Eventually, I moved back to Minnesota to go to rehab, but went back using the night I got out. At this point I was just using wat I could find so it was mostly weed and alcohol, but occasionally ice and when I found some, opiates.

I met my daughter’s father because he was a pot head and I got weed from him. Four months later I found out I was pregnant, and he showed his true colors in terms of how abusive he truly was. I stayed clean till my daughter was a year old, but the abuse really sent me over the edge. I started smoking, drinking and using opiates, as well as occasionally using ice. It finally came to a head when he hit me with his car. I got on a Greyhound with my two year old, alone and terrified, a few months later. I moved back to Kansas City and ended up in a DV shelter and still struggled with using. A couple months after I moved to KC in 2017, I lost my dad and 5 other family members. With these stresses I completely lost control. I was not sober if I did not absolutely have to be. I continued to struggle, doing anything I could get my hands on, but the ice and opiates became a huge problem. I left KC after multiple overdoses and other problems, but within 3 months I relapsed and continued to spiral. In December I met a guy who was a dealer and 2 weeks later he tried to kill me.

I went into detox in a rehab in Florida, but the rehab was not a good fit, so I left and found another. From there I graduated to a half-way house where my daughter could be there with me. I was struggling with self harm and social services took her from me. I flew back to KC and got my car, but as soon as I got there, I was back on everything and more, leading to an overdose in a trap house. To this day I don’t know how I walked away from that. I left KC and went back to South Carolina. I stayed clean for a week but was back out shortly thereafter and my daughter was placed again with my aunt. I almost died from a fentanyl overdose while visiting a friend back in Florida. I was shooting ice and heroin and also taking Xanax. I made my way back to South Carolina where my daughter was and got into the Salvation Army.

From there, I had a few more months using, but when social services got further involved, I finally got into an outpatient program and was clean. I got on Medication Assisted Therapy (MAT) to help me stay clean. I fought to get a place, and it took a year, but I finally got my daughter back with me permanently. Since then things have gotten much better, they are not perfect, and I continue to go to meetings and work on my mental health, along with my relationship with my daughter. I am still on MAT but as on July 2023 I have 2 years clean and continue to work every day so that I never have to go back to that life. My daughter is the main reason I am here today, and I know that if I ever touch drugs again, I will end up dead. I am so grateful that I got as many chances that I did, and I continue to not take it for granted. Thanks for letting me share my story.

1 thought on “Keeping up the Fight for the Daughter”

  1. Thank you so much for sharing your story. It is an inspiration to read someone’s story from beginning to end and how they sought assistance and even struggle in times of relapse. It’s amazing how many similarities people can share across time and space, and reading your story makes me feel no so alone. Thank you again!

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