I started using narcotics as a teenager struggling as a functioning addict until I was in my early 30’s. As much drugs as I have done, I have always held a job and managed to stay in the closet with my addiction. I’m 38 now I have been on Suboxone for 5 years now with zero relapse. I’m not sure if I’m in recovery or not, still taking this drug, I call a cure. It has helped me maintain a healthy and functional relationship with my wife, kids and work. But as long as I’m on this drug, am I really in recovery or am I just feeding my addiction? I feel I am doing the right thing, I just feel broken, like a piece of me are missing! But I am terrified of the thought of the pain I’m going to feel when I stop taking this medicine, and the mental weakness without Suboxone. I’m afraid of the thought of relapse, not being mentally strong enough to resist the thought of just one more time. I’m 38 and running out of time, my kids are growing up so fast. I’m just happy that I’ve never missed a minute of my kids’ life. I’m trying every day to be better than yesterday, and take it one day at a time. I feel like I’m not strong enough on my own without Suboxone, and surely I’m not the only one.
My wife is your biggest fan and after 15 years of listening to you guys, you have grown on me in a big way. We appreciate what you are doing, Josh, and support you!
