Other Stories of Addiction/Recovery

Addiction isn’t Aways Obvious

One day my husband called me at work. His stomach hurt and the clinic sent him to the hospital. They did an ultrasound and decided to admit him. His liver was failing, and they pumped 7 liters of fluid from his stomach and chest cavity. That week, he went from 180 pounds to 130 pounds. You could see every bone in his body. Six weeks later he was gone. His last words were “I don’t need a fucking ambulance”.

In those weeks, as he wasted away, I learned that a high functioning alcoholic can’t get drunk. He never acted drunk. He didn’t smell drunk. He was mean all the time, but I attributed that to work stress. After he was gone, I learned that he kept the liquor in his car and filled his cup while he stepped out on the front porch to take work calls. He drank a handle a day and spent about a grand a month to do so. After he was gone, I learned that addiction isn’t always obvious, and that abuse isn’t always raised voices and pounding fists.

If he didn’t die, I don’t think our marriage would have survived, but I can’t help but wish that my baby still had her daddy and that there was a chance for him to get well and for her to have both parents present at her milestones. I wish I could ask him if addiction really has such an inescapable control, or did he choose the bottle and death over seeing his daughter grow up. There isn’t a day that it doesn’t hurt. The resentment I carry is SO heavy. He should be here. My baby deserves her daddy.

1 thought on “Addiction isn’t Aways Obvious”

  1. I appreciate your story and thank you for sharing about how difficult the loss of your loved one is and was. I, too, lost a family member close to me to his addiction, my Father. He had tried to get healthy but in the end he could not overcome the disease. The altered mind state that comes from what an alcoholic and drug addict do, cannot be explained, and likely will never be understood. The pain of being without him may not leave you or your baby, as it hasn’t for me. But I hope you can find peace, for your heart. All the love and positive vibes friend <3

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *